Keep Your Chin Up

The most difficult part about raising a teenager (or the part that I gather is the most difficult from scrupulous observations of my own parental unit) is keeping your cool no matter what happens. Teenagers are like bees; leave them alone and they'll stay out of your way (although I cannot guarantee this), confront them, and you open Pandora's box.

Let us put this into perspective. Let us say that your respective teenager has returned home from their place of education one afternoon with a very shaded, almost suspicious look on their face. Now, instead of right away yelling at your teenager, and risk being stung, ease yourself in. Ask them how their day was. Did anything interesting happen? Did you get any grades back? (Wink, Wink). If you want to go for a swim, you do not just dive in (unless you are the impetuous type). First, you dip your toe in, then a leg, then both legs, then you slowly wade in, being careful not to make too quick a step and expose your unprepared body to the frigid water.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, be taken aback by your teenager's quick and dismissive responses, like: "Fine" or "Good" or "Why are you so interested?". These are simply ways for your teenager to buy time while they think of a witty prevarication; an unquestionable yet unsuspicious excuse for why they had still not gotten back that history test. Ready yourselves for these responses, and when such situations arise, be prepared to shrug them off and continue with your slow and steady pursuit of the truth.

Although, if used correctly, these methods will surely lead to a parental victory, I cannot stress the importance of easing your way into such conversations. If a teenager is falsely accused of lying about a test that they, in all honesty, had not gotten back, then they are sure to lash out--yell, scream, break things, you know, the usual.

So, remember, when your teenager comes home with a look of suspicion upon their face;
slowly wade in,
shrug off their quick and dismissive responses to your questions,
and DO NOT, under any circumstances, falsely accuse your teen (we hate that, we truly do).

Stay tuned for more truth about teens.

The Basics

There are a few things every parent should know if they are to survive the heart-wrenching, stomach-turning, migrane-inducing process that is raising a teenager. I have witnessed my parents fall victim to the cunning deviance of my past and present teenage years, and I see it only fair to educate other parents of teenagers on the cogs and wheels that is their childs mind.

First and foremost, anything and everything you say to your child is wrong. That is the cold hard truth. Even if it is the single most logical, level headed comment uttered by anybody ever! In a teenager's mind, our own opinion is above all. We did study for that math test, and we were just "holding it for a friend."

Now I do not mean to come across as a cynical pessimist who thinks that all teenagers all over the United States are masters of deception, I am just preparing you for the worst. My hope is that if god forbid you as parents are met with situations such as these, you are armed and ready. Trust me because I know that the most dangerous weapon any parent has in their arsenal is knowledge of what their teenager will think long before they think it.

That is what I hope to give my readers. I hope to equip them with such an ability. And although I may be viewed as a Benedict Arnold of the teenage community, as parents you're already facing an uphill battle and I see no harm in making the battle field a little bit more level.

So if you are a parent readying yourself for the turbulence of adolescence, or a parent already deep within the throes of your child's teenage years, I implore you to stay tuned for more truth about teens.